The Internet Gets Sassy About Toilets

I was never more fulfilled than when I was writing about the messy parts of my life. So let’s get twisted. 

*Cracks knuckles*

*Cracks neck* 

*Cracks ankles* 

Do your ankles crack too? Isn’t that a weird feeling? 

I have experienced numerous toilet related dreams, primarily in the past couple of years. These dreams often involve me falling into a ridiculously oversized toilet bowl after having struggled around to find a toilet in the first place. The most recent dream occurred last night and I woke up this morning thinking “enough is enough.” I feel that my unconscious mind is processing something just out of reach of my awareness. And as it so happens, I also thought “what better place to hash this out than in a blog post.” Will my deepest darkest secrets be revealed? Maybe. Will I still enjoy my steaming cup of coffee? Possibly. It appears I measured something wrong and my coffee this morning tastes just a little off. That’s not important. 

What is important is the amount of time I just spent googling toilets in dreams while distracting you with coffee. The general consensus after my very thorough research (read: I looked at one article) concludes that dreams about searching for a toilet means that something in your life is stressing you out. That there’s an urgent pull to take care of something, but you lack the proper resources or ability to do so. 

The internet: “So how about that?” 

Me: *squints, sits coffee down, gets distracted by a bird outside, remembers that I’m upset w/ the internet, realizes that I asked the internet to do this for me, gets deep and philosophical about how much the internet does for me, remembers this was supposed to be about toilets, picks coffee back up

It seems almost laughable, but the way I figure it, the thing that I would urgently like to do and feel I lack the resources and ability to do is write. I know, hilarious, that’s what I’m doing right now. Frankly though, even with my new work schedule, I don’t do it was much as I would like. Enter toilets I guess. 

The second article I read about searching for a dream toilet came at me with some serious savagery. According to them, I am questioning whether I am prone to be the victim of financial disasters. They then advised me to get support from others who I know are “obviously more successful than I am money-wise.”

The Internet: “We can do this all day.” 

Me: “Weird flex, but okay.” *sips on extremely reasonably priced coffee from Aldi

Maybe I should shift gears?

Sorry, I just got incredibly distracted by a doggo being picked up at the neighbors by his walker to go out for a spin. Okay, they’re gone. WAIT. The doggo is back….running at high speeds. Oh this is fascinating. Now here comes the walker…. running at a respectable jog. Doggo has been secured. Although now doggo is running in circles around the walker. It’s unclear who is being paid to take who for a spin in this scenario. I think we can go ahead and scratch off ‘dog walker’ from the list of things I can do to gain more financial stability so I’ll stop dreaming about toilets though. 

Now I’m really confused. The third article I read about not being able to find a toilet says it’s actually a good sign, symbolizing a new perspective. I’m not really sure I can trust this website though. They’ve changed the cursor to a bald eagle and I haven’t seen that kinda flare since the days when not having a Myspace sealed the deal on middle school unpopularity.

Wait, didn’t I say I was going to shift gears? 

Okay, done. So my research into interpreting falling into a toilet has not been so lucrative. I’ve seen everything from it symbolizing that I will cancel a visit with family to suggesting that I will make careless mistakes because of my complacency (and probably financial inadequacy). I will apparently encounter a work task and believe I have it in the bag and then fuck it up because the actual circumstances will be different from what I expected. 

The Internet: “Bet you didn’t know I could predict the future?” 

Me: “Yeah, but can you make your own origami swan? Didn’t think so.” 

As a side note, I also learned that if I were to dream of a cat sitting in a toilet bowl it would symbolize that there is a toxic friendship in my life. I find this an oddly specific interpretation, and I don’t think I approve of the way they’re portraying cats here. Besides, if it’s the cat sitting in a toilet bowl staring at you, then unfortunately, it’s probably the cat you have a toxic relationship with. You two should just talk. 

This has been…not really that informative or revelatory. 

BUT, I did see a doggo tasting the sweet, momentary joy of leash-less freedom. 

And that’s well worth the read about toilets. 

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