The Birds by *not* Alfred Hitchcock

Long has it been since I last went on a journey of knowledge and discovery led by autocorrect. But it is a beautiful day outside so I think I will sit here by this window and see what I can learn.

1. MySQL

I was going for the word ‘myself.’ I know what you’re thinking: what kind of phone autocorrects to something so strange? I’ll tell you what kind; the kind versed in open-source relational database management systems. After a thorough (just kidding) reading of the wiki page, I have no real understanding of what the hell this is. However, I did learn that it’s utilized by beloved websites such as Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter. So, like, it sounds important ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

2. Soyinka

I just wanted to talk about soup. But autocorrect thought I should learn about Akinwande Oluwole Babatunde Soyinka, who is a Nigerian playwright,* poet, and essayist. He won the 1986 Nobel Prize in literature, becoming the first African to be awarded in that category. He devoted his acceptance speech to Nelson Mandela. He is currently 84 years old and has quite a significant life journey.

*this was literally the first time I’ve ever realized that playwright is spelled this way rather than this – playwrite – way. Actually, this might be the first time I’ve ever written the word playwright. At 27 years old, I can’t decide if that’s surprising or not.

3. Serous

My good friend, Merriam, defines serous as an adjective meaning of, relating to, or resembling serum. I can’t imagine why I would ever use this in a text conversation (or any conversation), but as I was trying for the word ‘serious,’ I will give autocorrect a pass on this one. It feels like it could have been an honest mistake. The first known use of the word serous occurred in the 15th century, which I didn’t find particularly important to know. However, this did bring me to learn that there’s a function on Merriam-Webster allowing you to see other words first used in print from the same century. I suppose if you’re a period writer this could be useful. But, alas, I am not and this was useful only in wasting about 10 minutes discovering that 5 new words were first printed in 2016, 2 new words in 2015, and 5 new words in 2014 (one of them being ‘manspreading’ which I simply cannot believe hadn’t been recorded in print before then).*

*sorry, kind of forgot what I was doing here and fell into a dictionary blackhole.

4. Dahak

According to Wikipedia, this may refer to a number of things, including: places, people, mythological figures, and fictional characters. I wish autocorrect had given me some more direction, because I’m just not sure which one of these Dahaks it wanted me to learn about. And as much as I enjoy knowledge, I simply don’t have the time (that’s a total lie, I don’t work today -I have plenty of time, what I actually meant was energy) to look up all of these things.

5. Ousel

According to Merriam, this is the less common spelling of ouzel, which is either a common blackbird or a bird that resembles a blackbird -I can’t tell which. Bottom line, it’s a bird and autocorrect couldn’t even handle the more common spelling of it. That is just classic autocorrect. I was typing ‘my soul’ when this autocorrect happened, and sorry not sorry, phone, but birds in no way speak to my soul.

6. Luik

Okay, now I’m suspicious of my phone’s intentions. Because this is apparently an Estonian surname meaning ‘swan.’ Look, stop trying to make birds happen. It’s not going to be my spirit animal.*

*holy shit, I googled what birds as spirit animals signify and it’s associated with higher knowledge. Sure, I bet more than one spirit animal symbolizes this, but I am now 1000% sure that my autocorrect set me up for this exact moment.

Me, to my autocorrect:


(taking a page out of my own Archer Gif Guide for this one).

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