There is Only Now

Okay, so I don’t wanna get ahead of myself and jinx anything, but I think I might be getting my life together. I’m going on interviews for a big kid job (gimme dat comprehensive insurance package), I’m getting better at cooking (honestly…I only ruin about 30% of what I attempt to make these days), and I’m not really mortified by the prospect of dating anymore (which, I like to think, is because I’ve adopted a cavalier ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude of late…which come to think about it is probably having a pretty profound holistic impact).

I am at the strangest point that I think I have ever been in my life. I’m about to embark on my career journey, and that’s like a “whoa what the fuck” kind of moment for me. I’m dating this guy (who I hope isn’t reading this, because I don’t think we’re quite at a point for him to be reading about himself on my blog), and he’s *actually really dope. *note that I said ‘actually’ not because I’m surprised that he’s awesome, but because I’m surprised that I could find someone so awesome to date. As we all know, my track record with dating isn’t winning any awards. I think people think I’m, like, weird or something. I know, you totally don’t see it.

With all these feelings that I can (1) succeed in my career and (2) have fun while dating, I’m feeling like more of an adult than usual. Yesterday, roommate and I even installed our giant ass air conditioner by ourselves. Fuck yeah. We just looked at our bodies and said, “You will be stronger for the next twenty minutes.” It’s like Kimmy Schmidt always says: a person can stand just about anything for 10 seconds, then you just start on a new 10 seconds. All you’ve got to do is take it 10 seconds at a time.

And I feel like, for whatever reason, I’ve been taking that to heart lately. To use therapist lingo, I’m trusting the process. Sure looking for a job is stressful and dating is filled with so many unknown variables. But if I focus on each and every one of those ten seconds, I get to live my life here and now. I get to enjoy knowing that I’m proud of my work, even when it’s difficult. I get to fall in love without even noticing and stressing that it’s happening. I don’t get to simply survive the day to day of life, I get to live it.

To quote a line from an author (The Inheritance Cycle) I’m quite fond of: Live in the present, remember the past, and fear not the future, for it doesn’t exist and never shall.

There is only now.

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