I’m Sorry, What Did You Say Your Name Was?

Today I am going to share with you the totally true story of how I am only romantically interested in guys who have one of two names. No, I am not going to tell you those names, because frankly, it’s none of your business. But basically, if you’re not named X or Y, then I’m not interested. And this is entirely by no direct will of my own. Half the time on dating sites you don’t even know someone’s name until you start talking with them and inquire.


The universe seems to have dictated that the only men I’m allowed to date are those named X or Y. Being that most dating sites don’t have a filter so that you can avoid certain names (or apparently certain personality characteristics), I’m in a bit of a conundrum on how to proceed. I mean, maybe there’s something innately about me that causes me to be subconsciously (yo, it took me almost two minutes to correctly spell this damn word, and YES that is with autocorrect, the traitorous swine) drawn to X and Y.

I don’t want this to be my life, but I can’t seem to avoid it. I would love to live in a world where I can date an A or a B. Not that I entirely mind the comic nature of my life, but it is getting a little weird. It’s not as if I would ever not date someone because of their name. But I will lay in bed laughing at myself and the (at times) sheer ridiculousness of my own existence.

Anywho, as you may have guessed, I have been on a date recently (which is how I know this name thing has continued to follow me…like a curse…or my cat around the house at breakfast time). If you’ll indulge me for a moment, I’d love to discuss some of the pros and cons of this date.


He was funny, smart, nice, into his own volunteer work (and mine, which like, never happens…he asked me actual questions about the nature of my volunteer work…I didn’t know people did that on dates). We ended up talking for three hours and I hadn’t even noticed the time passing. If you can’t tell, I’m a little excited. This was the first real date I’ve been on in quite some time. And let me just say, if you’re out there reading this, you have certainly won me over for a second date. But actually…please don’t be out there reading this…if you could go ahead and travel back in time to a point at which you have no knowledge of these words existing, that’d be great.


Nope, can’t think of any. The only con would be if he’s currently reading this thinking “huh, she’s a lot weirder than I originally picked up on.” And trust me, I’m pretty sure he noticed that I’m a little quirky. It’s kind of hard to miss.

So to summarize (because I know how invested you are in my life…and by ‘you are’ I mean ‘I am’), let me just say that I’m feeling a little more optimistic about my romantic life than I was a couple of months ago. The ‘me’ I was a year ago is not the ‘me’ I am now. And in terms of relationships, this means I’m really tired of taking shit and feeling like I’m settling. It’s okay to know you’re own worth, to know that you’re awesome. And by the rings of Saturn, you deserve to be treated by those standards.

So I hope I get that second date. But if I don’t, that won’t in any way stop me from chasing love.

And if you are still reading this because you couldn’t master the complex mechanics of time travel and thought “eh well I’m already here, fuck it,” then I’d like to take a moment to apologize that you had to read about yourself (however briefly). And I’d like to follow that apology up by acknowledging that yes I do put my life in a blog, yes I talk to myself while I write, and no I won’t be stopping this any time soon. If you hold the belief that you can work with these eccentricities, then by all means, call me *wink wink* ….or maybe just *wink* …two winks might look kind of aggressive…


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